things · that · make · me · laugh

When you look at the following image, you might have a few questions. Don't worry, it's normal to be confused, and maybe even a little frightened by what you see. Don't be afraid to speak up. You might be a little troubled to see what has happened to your favorite urban soap-hip hopra star. Why he's looking at you like that. Why only one of his legs is moveable.

Don't worry.

It's all for the best.

It's okay. You can touch him. He likes to be hugged.

Go ahead, children. Just give him a little hug.

Best Michael Jackson song I heard for the first time while shuffling through my itunes:

"Dirty Diana"

here for your lyrical enjoyment:

Oh no . . .
Oh no . . .
Oh no . . .

You’ll never make me stay
So take your weight off of me
I know your every move
So won’t you just let me be
I’ve been here times before
But I was too blind to see
That you seduce every man
This time you won’t seduce me

She’s saying that’s ok
Hey baby do what you please
I have the stuff that you want
I am the thing that you need
She looked me deep in the eyes
She’s touchin’ me so to start
She says there’s no turnin’ back
She trapped me in her heart

Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana, no
Dirty diana
Let me be!

Oh no . . .
Oh no . . .
Oh no . . .

She likes the boys in the band
She knows when they come to town
Every musician’s fan after
The curtain comes down
She waits at backstage doors
For those who have prestige
Who promise
Fortune and fame, a life that’s so carefree
She’s saying that’s ok
Hey baby do what you want
I’ll be your night lovin’ thing
I’ll be the freak you can taunt
And I don’t care what you say
I want to go too far
I’ll be your everything
If you make me a star

Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana, no
Dirty diana . . .
Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana, no
Dirty diana . . .
Diana!
Diana!
Dirty diana!
It’s dia . . .aa . . .aa . . .come on!

She said I have to go home
’cause I’m real tired you see
But I hate sleepin’ alone
Why don’t you come with me
I said my baby’s at home
She’s probably worried tonight
I didn’t call on the phone to
Say that I’m alright

Diana walked up to me,
She said I’m all yours tonight
At that I ran to the phone
Sayin’ baby I’m alright
I said but unlock the door,
Because I forgot the key,
She said he’s not coming back
Because he’s sleeping with me

Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana, no
Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana, nah
Dirty diana . . .
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!...

And because EVERYTHING is better with a picture...

I did a google image search on "Dirty Diana" and this is the very first picture that popped up:

Burn!

Best new worst show on television: Yo Momma on MTV. Hosted by that dude who played Fez on That 70s Show, 'Yo Momma' pits trash talker against trash talker trying to find the trashiest of them all. The winning dis tonight: "Yo momma's so hairy, she's got afros on her nipples!" Ohhhh BURN!

So Jer and I had our own little Yo Momma-style showdown:


Me: yo momma so fat...she has an increased risk of heart disease!
Jer: yo momma so fat that when it gets hot, she's sweatier than most
Me: yo momma's so fat, she breathes heavy when walking up a flight of stairs!
Jer: yo momma's so fat that she has trouble sitting in a seat at movie theaters
Me: yo momma's so fat, her doctor recommended she go on a low calorie diet and increase her activity level

Me: yo momma's so poor, she's in credit card debt
Jer: yo momma's so fat her doctor has brought up gastric bypass surgery as a potential treatment option
Jer: yo momma's so poor she only has to pay 15% on her income taxes
Me: yo momma's so stupid, her IQ is like really low
Jer: yo mama's got such bad complexion that all of her myspace pictures are overlit
Me: yo momma's so clumsy, once she tripped walking down the street


Jer: yo momma so fat that when she steps on the scale, it goes into triple digits
Jer: yo momma so ugly she ain't NEVER been a model
Me: yo momma's so dumb, she's like not smart at all
Me: yo momma's so fat, she's like all blubbery

Jer: yo momma so fat, man, she's fucking HUGE
Me: yo momma's so fat, i'm like seriously worried about her health. i think we should talk to her about it. i'd hate for her to die young because of her bad habits
Jer: yo momma's so fat...no, seriously man, i'm beginning to be legitimately concerned for her well-being

haha the winner? i think it's a draw after we both came out with "i'm worried about your fat momma" jokes at the same time.

i want to hear your best (worst) yo momma jokes.

also... i'm taking a poll. which current heart-on-my-guitar-strings balladeer would you find in your own personal hell? daniel powter of "bad day" infamy, or james "you're beautiful" blunt? the jury's still out for me; i'm not sure which would go best (worst) with five for fighting since they're already in my personal hell.

Vote me useful!!

I've just achieved the pinnacle of internet glory! My scathing review has been published on IMDB.com!

If anyone has experienced the horror that is the ABC Mini series remake of The Ten Commandments, be thankful YOUR VOICE HAS BEEN HEARD ON THE INTERNET! (through my voice, which clearly is the voice of the people).

Granted, I didn't actually watch most of the remake. But I saw enough. And the scars will take a long time healing.

Here's the review:

painful painful painful, 10 April 2006
* one star
Author: scor24pio from United States


if you're a fan of the original ten commandments, this movie will make you weep inside. granted, i'm only about 1/2 hour into it currently, but it's so painful, i felt it was my duty to warn away real ten commandments fans before they are subjected to this bastardization. i didn't think it was possible to actually make the special effects worse than they were in 1950s when the original was shot, but this 2006 remake proves me wrong. i can forgive some lame special effects, but the craptastic dialogue, melodramatic lifetime movie-style schlockiness, and the stilted we-are-wax-figures-come-to-life acting makes me hope they'll rewrite the plot and drown moses in the red sea.

http://imdb.com/title/tt0443412/usercomments-28

There is the link. Now go and vote my comment useful! We need to protect our future from being victimized by a crappy low budget representation of our albeit-probably-more-mythical-than-accurate past!

I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I've been in prison.



Last time I wrote in this thing, the Red Sox hadn't even made it all the way to winning the World Series yet. Oh the humanity!

I've decided to revive this thing as a means of storing the funny things I say to people and they say back to me. Because hilarity must be pinned down and autodated and then thrust into the WORLD WIDE WEB for all to admire!

It's 3 in the afternoon; I've got an iced coffee and my bosses are out in the field today. Perfect time for Jer and I to discuss sex with minors and world domination.

Enjoy:

me: god when i have a boyfriend/underage minor, one of our songs needs to be a nickleback song
Jer: hahahaha
Jer: i think nickleback works well for older girlfriend younger boyfriend
Jer: i think it needs to be something a little more fucked for older boyfriend younger girlfriend
Jer: and i'm not sure what it would be but i'm gonna think about it while i brb
me: haha
me: okay i'll think it over while i eat my lunch
me: be back in a few
…
me: i think a dude dating a high school girl would really love bloodhound gang
me: maybe their song would be that tenacious d one about fucking gently
Jer: ahaha
Jer: bloodhound gang was right
Jer: you hit the nail on the head
Jer: now i just gotta become a teacher
Jer: or i could have an affair with one of the rats here
me: haha i know my statutory rape
Jer: they're REALLY young
me: ohhh hot
Jer: hmm, also all male
Jer: ah, no worry, when there's a will there's a way
me: interspecies homoerotic sexual assault
Jer: you left out pedophilic
Jer: they're not even a year old
me: double the hotness
Jer: true
Jer: but two times 0 is still 0
me: you dress up like a rat too and you can add 'furries' to your list
Jer: hahaha
me: and perhaps transvestite too
me: not sure when you dress up like the species you're assaulting
me: what would that even be?
Jer: sure, i'm sure i can find little dresses for them
Jer: oh, that? hmmm, don't know
Jer: probably still transvestite
Jer: because i think that just means "clothing change"
Jer: or something
Jer: since the phrase doesn't, i don't think, explicitly refer to gender, i think we could still use it
me: okay so we got an interspecies homoerotic pedophilic tranvestitic furry love affair
me: am i leaving anything out?
Jer: let's make this happen
me: oh incest!
Jer: hmmm
me: do two sibling rats
me: and make them do each other
Jer: good thinking
Jer: you know what?
Jer: i just don't think i'm up for it
me: what?
me: how could this be?
me: what will the investors think!
Jer: hahaha
Jer: i have to assume they won't think much
Jer: given how crazy they must have been, to have put money into a project like this
me: they're already mad about the manufactured meat scandal!
Jer: hahaha
me: meat coffee pots in every home!
me: dont forget our dream!
Jer: oh i'm still in for that
Jer: don't you worry
me: okay good
me: but i'm not sure how we're goin to raise the rest of the funding if you back out of this interspecies et al porn extravaganza
Jer: don't worry
me: we were going to synergize the marketing scheme, cross promoting over various medias
me: dvd, internet, ipod, magazines, breakfast cereal!
Jer: i've got some projects in the oven that'll really boost sales
Jer: what would you say, if i told you
Jer: that i have created a machine
Jer: wait for it
me: the machine better have crossover appeal
me: to all our target demographics
Jer: you pour marinara sauce into one end
Jer: and then, you take a bowl of pasta, or whatever else you want marinara sauce on
Jer: you press a button
Jer: and the machine pours the sauce into the bowl
Jer: this is going to revolutionize dinner!!!!!
me: wow
me: that's some crazy shit
Jer: we'll make millions!!!
me: now if we can get hilary duff to sing a song about it, we can release it to itunes and start in on the ipod market
Jer: as it stands now the prototype can only hold enough sauce for 1 bowl at a time
me: then maybe have a video to promo on mtv
Jer: and i don't have any plans to extend it
me: we could turn it into marinara-television!
Jer: YES
me: it could be HUGE
me: once we have the music and tv markets covered, we can turn the harrowing tale of the little marinara jar that could into a summer BLOCKBUSTER!!!
Jer: BETTER YET
Jer: we can set up a netflix like system
me: ohh yes!
Jer: for the sauce
Jer: why buy it at a store
Jer: when you an have us mail it to you in paper envelopes
me: ohhh yes!
me: then we can digitalize it
me: and you can download the sauce
Jer: hahahaha
me: we got to think one step ahead jer
me: otherwise we'll have bootleg marinara all over the place
Jer: yea
me: and you know that shit stains!
Jer: we'll need digital rights management
Jer: so people can't share our sauce in a peer to peer environment
me: this will be the end of family dinners as we know it!
Jer: hooray!
Jer: i hate families
Jer: and i HATE dinners
Jer: my evil underpinnings are now made clear
me: we can use our product to erode the very last strand of moral fiber in our country
me: and undermine the conservative right
Jer: hold on
Jer: i'm gonna scroll up and figure out how the fuck we got here
Jer: because i'm simply baffled
Jer: wasn't this about a teacher having sex with a kid?
Jer: wait
Jer: i take that back
Jer: i'm about to bring us full circle
me: yessss!
Jer: and once we finish eroding the moral fabric of america
Jer: it will finally not be frowned upon for us to mate with children of ANY AGE
me: YES
Jer: as there will no longer be a moral compass to judge by
Jer: we win
me: we do win
me: bring us our underage virgins!
Jer: if there were some sort of academic publication, like the new england journal of inane chatter, or something, i really think this would be fit for publication
me: haha yes
me: i'm thinking i'm goin to revive my livejournal
me: and use it as storage for amusing conversations
Jer: yayyyy

in brief: the red soxs FUCKING WON WOOO HOOO, i ran in a giant mob from elton to north and sprayed the crowd with some cheap champagne (gratiously provided by the lovely pattycakes), and then i came home to have the following most amusing conversation ever with this kid who used to know me in high school (thanks to facebook for bringing us together!). god i hope the old high school rumor mill picks up with this one....

emoboipozur69: hey
me: hey!
emoboipozur69: i just created a new group on facebook
me: haha oh really?
emoboipozur69: i feel ridiculous
emoboipozur69: yeah
emoboipozur69: it's called "i'm emo. don't front"
me: i created a cult on face book, it's ok
me: oh goodness
emoboipozur69: we discriminate
me: yeah you should feel ridiculous
emoboipozur69: it's an elitist group
me: so you're the only one in it?

emoboipozur69: ha no
emoboipozur69: in time, there will be an army of emo kids
me: haha
emoboipozur69: did you see boston??
emoboipozur69: oh man
me: haha i just got back from being in a mob
emoboipozur69: it was wicked awesome
me: i showered them with cheap champagne. it was a beautiful thing
emoboipozur69: nice
emoboipozur69: i missed most of the game though
me: oh really"?
emoboipozur69: cause i was at a concert
emoboipozur69: oh well
me: oh cool. who/?
emoboipozur69: death cab for cutie and pretty girls make graves
emoboipozur69: i'm stoked
me: ohhhhh sweet
emoboipozur69: have you heard of any of them??
me: haha yes. i am familiar with death cab
emoboipozur69: aw shit
emoboipozur69: that's okay
emoboipozur69: they are getting popular aren't they?
me: haha yes, you have to pick more emo bands
me: after the postal service blew up, death cab's cover was blown
emoboipozur69: fuck
emoboipozur69: fucking a
emoboipozur69: more emo? that's the basis for other emo, shit emo. what did you have in mind??
emoboipozur69: i like putting two question marks at the end
me: no like real super emo is super indie and undiscovered
me: like raw tomato frenzi, now that's a fucking emo band
emoboipozur69: it's the guilt of it all
emoboipozur69: never heard of it
me: see? that's real emo
emoboipozur69: i'm sure some rip off of sdre
emoboipozur69: rip offs don't count
me: no, it's totally original
emoboipozur69: sure, sure
emoboipozur69: well you've got emo and old emo
emoboipozur69: meaning emocore... like fugazi, rites of spring, embrace
me: exactly
emoboipozur69: and then new emo like mineral and sdre
emoboipozur69: well i don't count emocore
me: yeah emocore is for pussies
me: raw tomato frenzi is no emocore
emoboipozur69: there's emo and then there's indie. we discriminate
emoboipozur69: i'll have to listen first
emoboipozur69: before i make an informed decision
emoboipozur69: but really, these were all bands i grew up with and liked.
me: yeah good luck finding stuff, they're pretty obscure
emoboipozur69: any more suggestions
me: have you heard of the rice-r-ronies?
me: they're cool too
emoboipozur69: i'm sure
emoboipozur69: i have no clue what the fuck you're talking about
me: you just doubt it because you've never heard of it
me: so elitist
emoboipozur69: are they all located around trinity
emoboipozur69: i am an elitist
me: how are you supposed to find the next best thing if you're all stuck up in the old thing
me: hartford has a huge emo scene actually
emoboipozur69: because i can
emoboipozur69: i don't think you know what emo is
me: lots of arts schools around her
emoboipozur69: maybe avant-garde
emoboipozur69: post-punk
emoboipozur69: experimental
me: ok school me then o wise one
emoboipozur69: k
me: what is emo?
emoboipozur69: emo is crying when you hear chris carraba's voice, it's the opening notes of sdre's "seven"... it's bigger than you and me. it is what it is.
me: that's exactly what i thought
emoboipozur69: yup
me: that's so totally raw tomato frenzi
emoboipozur69: i'm sure
me: they sell boxes of kleenex at their show along with the tshirts
me: it's fucking amazine
me: *amazing
emoboipozur69: eh
me: like a spiritual revival
emoboipozur69: no
emoboipozur69: go see polyphonic spree for that
me: haha i fucking love them
me: you gotta love the robes
emoboipozur69: yeah. those are lame
me: it's what's under the robes that's really awesome
me: you ever been to a show?
emoboipozur69: you mean penises and vaginas?
emoboipozur69: no
me: ah man then you're missing out
me: i wouldnt want to ruin it for you
emoboipozur69: whatever
emoboipozur69: i'm not gonna pay to see them
me: eh i didnt either
me: i have connections
emoboipozur69: yay for you
emoboipozur69: show the door man your boobs?
me: yeah i'm pretty awesome, i'm not going to lie
me: yeah, how did you guess?
me: well actually, i was showing him my peircing
emoboipozur69: what???
emoboipozur69: where be this
me: haha well lets add this up
me: i show boobs + i show piercing = ???
emoboipozur69: i guess
me: hey if it's cool on janet...
emoboipozur69: you actually have a nipple piercing?
emoboipozur69: crazy
me: why? does that weird you out?
me: haha
me: it's college, what can i say?
emoboipozur69: um kind of
emoboipozur69: no excuse
me: well it was when i was in cancun actually
emoboipozur69: so you'll be really old with three holes in your nip
me: yeah i guess so, but in the meantime it's pretty fun
me: and got me into a concert for free... gets me into a lot of things for free
emoboipozur69: fun to get snagged in your bra?
emoboipozur69: that's nice
me: i'm not going to spell this out for you
emoboipozur69: i love feeling my nipple tear
me: lets just say, no regrets
emoboipozur69: yet...
me: eh whatever, guys dig it
emoboipozur69: then do girls dig cock piercings?
me: well my ex boyfriend had one. but i wasn't to keen on it really
emoboipozur69: it kept getting snagged in your snatch
me: he kinda lost sensation around it. what's the point really?
emoboipozur69: wow, i'm three right now
me: yeah seriously
emoboipozur69: i like the puns though
me: i'm trying to have an intellectual conversation here!
emoboipozur69: ha
emoboipozur69: brb
emoboipozur69 is away at 1:16:01 AM.
me: ok i'm going to bed. but if you need any advice on penial piercings and the like, you know where to find me :-)



haha for the record, i'm only an asshole to those who deserve it. is it my fault that so many people deserve it??

more quizzy quiz quizness : P

i gotta say this is super on target.... i mean i not only approve of fairies and tattoos of vegitarian dragons, but i think that they are awesome.

Based on the lj interests lists of those who share my more unusual interests, the interests suggestion meme thinks I might be interested in
1. love score: 6
2. art score: 5
3. the ocean score: 4
4. chocolate score: 4
5. photography score: 4
6. coffee score: 3
7. vegetarianism score: 3
8. beauty score: 3
9. dreaming score: 3
10. fairies score: 3
11. tattoos score: 3
12. dragons score: 3
13. buddhism score: 3
14. family guy score: 3
15. friends score: 3
16. paint score: 3
17. sleep score: 3
18. night score: 3
19. laughing score: 3
20. black score: 3

Type your username here to find out what interests it suggests for you.

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freshmen beware!

scor24pio: you should totally come early for when the frosh show up and then we should walk around pretending we're freshmen too
lilalcarese: hahahahahahaha
lilalcarese: ok!
lilalcarese: we should come up with the worst questions
scor24pio: we'll make up a fake seminar and everything
lilalcarese: OH let's go on tours
lilalcarese: hahahaha
scor24pio: haha oh yeah totally
lilalcarese: oh my god i'm so excited for this year
lilalcarese: hehehe
scor24pio: and we must drunkenly take over their karaoke
lilalcarese: YES
scor24pio: and go to their dance
lilalcarese: oh wow, can we molest all the ones who look homesick?
lilalcarese: where should we say we live?
scor24pio: hahaha totally! hmmm. we could make something up, they have no idea what all the dorms are
scor24pio: we could be like 'oh, we live in crescent'
lilalcarese: ohhhh we're off-campus due to circumstances
scor24pio: hahah *we're crazy*
lilalcarese: hahahaha
lilalcarese: i like it!
lilalcarese: although i feel like they'll catch on when they get those grouping things where they split the dorm up into groups for the 'don't sexually assault people' talks
scor24pio: ah true... i feel like we should live in north
lilalcarese: yeah, the big one
lilalcarese: or we're spillover and in another dorm
lilalcarese: like summit
scor24pio: ohh yeah that could work
lilalcarese: but we're the ONLY TWO! =-O
lilalcarese: it's like, so unfair
scor24pio: and we're so lonely!
scor24pio: yeah we need to be totally bitter
lilalcarese: shit, they're going to want to see our rooms
scor24pio: oooh maybe cry a bit
lilalcarese: hahaha
lilalcarese: no we live in cleo
scor24pio: haha yeah they'll believe that
lilalcarese: but we're not allowed to let people in
lilalcarese: not until parties are allowed
scor24pio: then again, freshman do tend to believe anything
lilalcarese: yes
lilalcarese: they have no reason to do otherwise
lilalcarese: hahaha when they find out we're seniors, they're going to hate us
lilalcarese: hehehehe
scor24pio: or be amazed that they're lucky enough to be hanging out with such cool people
scor24pio: it's like a king putting on peasant clothes and walking around on the streets
lilalcarese: hahahaha
lilalcarese: they might be mad that we think of ourselves as kings and them as peasants...
lilalcarese: but let's face it
lilalcarese: we are
scor24pio: haha freshmen fucking worship upperclassmen. trust me, i lived with them last year
lilalcarese: hahahaha
lilalcarese: ok
lilalcarese: that's so weird
lilalcarese: i didn't really
lilalcarese: although i was around them in pipes all the time, so i guess they lost their air of majesty
lilalcarese: and it was kinda cool hanging out with them
scor24pio: yeah
scor24pio: well i think it's kinda exciting the first couple days you're at trin but then the thrill wears off
lilalcarese: i dunno, some freshmen get excited around upperclassmen well into second semester
scor24pio: haha tools
lilalcarese: those are the ones we prey on
scor24pio: for sure!

Today was really tiring.
I got out of bed because I had to throw up. I'm really sick. I mean REALLY sick.

I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.

I'm so hardcore. Me and Buzz went to the mall today, and I stole a whole heap of stuff. I got a Good Charlotte CD, a couple of DVDs and some new boots. Buzz got caught, but he fought his way out, and then we stole some lady's car and smashed it into a phone booth.

Last night I had to go and pay Joshua's bail. He's such a jerk. He got arrested for punching the Walmart clerk in the face for refusing to sell him beer. He's only 16!

I want to tell the world that I love you all! You're all so special to me!

I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I've been in prison.

I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

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i'm currently on a campaign to find myself a 'hartford is nice' t-shirt. or, at the very least, a 'hartford: new england's rising star' shirt. or, at the least of the very least, a 'hartford is nice' bumper sticker. i even went so far as to do a little research on the matter. apparently, the only place (that i found, though feel free to correct me if i'm wrong) that sold harford apparel is www.hartford.com and all of their stuff only has the 'hartford' logo with the little shooting star over it. so i actually went so far as to email the group that is in charge of the shirts and pretended like wanting a 'hartford is nice' t-shirt wasn't just a personal fetish of mine but was actually my job...

Hi,

I've seen the "Hartford is Nice" bumper stickers around and I was wondering if a "Hartford is Nice" t-shirt exists. I was also wondering if you had shirts that said "Hartford: New England's Rising Star." I'm working on a project to increase awareness of what's going on in Hartford for Trinity students and I thought some Hartford t-shirts might be a fun addition to my project. Thanks in advance for your help!



my 'project to increase awareness of what's going on in Hartford for Trinity students' is just putting together a silly bulletin board in the community service office because joe doesn't have any better work for me to do.

haha i'm so weird.

so i get this message last night from meredith being all like 'bailey, help me out! this summer is long and boring and there is no ass in sight! and i'm so freaking horny, what can i do to get some ass???' and since i'm clearly an expert on getting lots and lots of ass, i gave her the following sage advice. i decided to post it here in the hopes that maybe some of my words of wisdom could also help you fellow singletons in search of some good summer lovin...

lilalcarese: my life needs some new excitement. i realize my away messages have become primarily about my dog and the weather.
scor24pio: ok what you need to do is put on a tight shirt, a short skirt and go over to best buy
scor24pio: get some business cards printed out with your cell phone number so you dont have to slow down to write out your number for people
scor24pio: toss your hair and giggle a lot
scor24pio: and make up reasons to pout
scor24pio: "oh that dvd play doesnt play cds too?" *sticks out bottom lip and looks up at best buy employee with wide, innocent eyes*
scor24pio: after you've exhaused your 'resources' at best buy, go to a comic book store
scor24pio: read up a little on anime so you can throw out a few key vocab words to get the other guys to think you're really into anime
scor24pio: they'll be all over you like white on the proverbial rice
scor24pio: oh, better yet, find a star trek convention
scor24pio: or any other fan fic conventions
scor24pio: do a little research and make a costume (a hot one of course)
scor24pio: just agree with whatever the guys are saying, just nod and smile. 'yes, my ultimate fantasy is to do it on mars.' 'yes i dress up like princess layah in the gold binkini all the time' 'yes, spock could kick scotty's ass' 'yes i always dreamed of doing it with a vulcan'
scor24pio: you get the idea
scor24pio: man, you'll be swimming in it
scor24pio: either that or just go for the construction dude. bake him some cookies and offer him cool lemonade while he's working. offer to massage his sore muscles. show up wearing only your apron.
scor24pio: then after you're through with him and it gets awkward, just stay out of the basement for the rest of the summer
lilalcarese: hahahahaha
lilalcarese: this is why i love you
scor24pio: haha
lilalcarese: i completely forgot about our nerd-guy plan
lilalcarese: you are so right
scor24pio: you would get so much ass
scor24pio: it's fool proof
scor24pio: i mean you can't be much of a stickler for personal grooming and/or attractiveness
lilalcarese: this is true
scor24pio: but if it's pure (albeit zit covered) ass you want, it's ass you shall receive!
lilalcarese: hahahahaha
lilalcarese: ohhh, bailey
lilalcarese: i do love you so
lilalcarese: too bad i don't want to hook up with you
lilalcarese: we'd be swimming in it
scor24pio: oh god, we'd never leave the house
scor24pio: it'd be like this scary dark little sex den
lilalcarese: hahahahahaha
lilalcarese: with blue walls
scor24pio: and we'd never leave the bed and make erin bring us take out
lilalcarese: HAHAHAHA
lilalcarese: well, if we ever turn lesbian, at least we have a plan
scor24pio: haha yeah when we're 60 and alone we can start taking testasterone injections
scor24pio: i bet you'd look cute with a moustache
lilalcarese: hahahahaha
lilalcarese: i'll lay off the tweezers for a month, you can see for yourself
lilalcarese: ...actually, i disappointingly do not have a moustache, but i can glue one on for you
scor24pio: as long as it's hitler style
lilalcarese: mm
lilalcarese: or like dali
scor24pio: that's what we should do for halloween, you can be hitler and i can be his wife eva
scor24pio: ohhhh dali, even better
lilalcarese: hahahahahaha
scor24pio: we should all go as crazy artists
lilalcarese: we need so many halloweens to satisfy all the ideas we have
scor24pio: you can be dali, kevin can be andy
lilalcarese: um, andy warhol's gang?!
lilalcarese: oooooooooh you be frieda kahlo
scor24pio: yeah that would be totally awesome
scor24pio: haha that's what i was thinking
scor24pio: i'd have a moustache too
lilalcarese: we'll consider it
lilalcarese: yeaaaah baby
scor24pio: except i want an excuse to look sexy, not hairy
lilalcarese: mmh
lilalcarese: hit that shit
lilalcarese: don't we all
lilalcarese: ok, i gotta go be productive or some crap like that, but we'll plan more sexcapades later, lover
scor24pio: haha sounds good
scor24pio: later!
lilalcarese: ciao

who said you couldnt have any fun at work?

highlights of the weekend:

blasting my heart will go on en route to erin's house (sorry lizzy, i know how celine makes your blood boil; we contemplated calling you up while we sang but patty was afraid you'd kill her in her sleep. hehe)

telling the cute dreadlocked toll attendant to 'have a nice day'

doing an obscene amount of laundry at erin's house *for free* because her mom's too nice to tell me i'm a leeching bitch (though my mom doesnt have a problem saying it to me when i call her up to tell her what i'm doing this weekend. ha ha)

spending the weekend subsisting hamburgers, hot dogs, cookies, and brownies...

speaking of hotdogs... watching the hot dog eating championship on espn. damn those skinny japanese schooled us fat americans! hot dog eating is the new X-TREEEMEEE sport!!!!

seeing spiderman 2 and contemplating writing kirsten dunst a fan letter telling her she sucks and should break up with my boyfriend jake for his own good.

harry potter jelly beans! gotta love making your friends eat the sardine, dirt, and vomit ones (yes, they really taste as bad as their names imply)

going into boston and practically living at this cafe version of cleo (and getting most of my meal for free thanks to terry "big spendah" black and his $500 winning scratch off ticket)

actually seeing karen when we're in the same place on the same weekend.

the countless hours lost to 'i love the 80s' 'bands reunited: berlin' and 'son in law'

impromptu cookouts and fireworks in needham.

watching the needham high schoolers interact and feeling so old, in a very very good way.

a massive pj party pillow fight featuring patty 'the autistic wonder,' erin 'the duck and squeal' kinney, and gabe 'the token male'

gorging ourselves at the olympus diner, mmmmm more hamburgers. and you gotta love a jukebox playing meatloaf and enrique right at your table!

a dance party chez penthouse featuring me, erin and patty. you know it's good when the people from downstairs come up to complain that you're having too much fun. haha.


but i have to say... the ultimate highlight of my weekend (and i think patty and erin can attest to this statement as being utterly true) was what we witnessed driving home from erin's. so i'm driving a long minding my own business when patty points out that there's a cute boy driving in the left lane. so i speed up a little so we can check him out and as we look over we notice that the boy is not alone in the car. just as i pull up along side him, a girl lifts her head out of his lap. i look over just in time to catch his 'O' face before i fall back behind him a little. needless to say we spend the next half hour screaming about the shockingness of the event we had just witnessed. when we got our wits about us, we made sure to pull up along side them again to give the couple a big thumbs up.

haha.

now that was an amazing weekend. : D

it must be a first day of summer thing or something but i swear the boys were out in full force today. granted, i first noticed it at best buy (geek boy heaven) when the guys working at the camera section were being a little extra friendly lending me their 'communal pen' (disease-free i was assured) and it took 3 boys to check me out at the counter. (one of them was being trained and i was 'his first' and as one of the other guys assured me 'he'll remember you forever'). oh how sweet. then later when i was working at cinestudio (okay, so we were showing monty python, another huge geek magnet) one guy was a little too grateful to get his ticket from me and even the projectionist (some dude with long blonde hair that i haven't met before) was a little extra excited to talk to me after the movie about my moxie shirt. haha. maybe it's something in the air, maybe it's because the only contact i had with men today was with really geeky ones, maybe i'm just a cocky bastard. eh, all of the above is probably true. now all i need are for some really cute boys to pick up on the geeks' cue...

that or jake gyllenhaal needs to walk into cinestudio with his alumni father (who's giving him a tour because he used to work there) sees me selling tickets, falls in love immediately (he can see through the smudged glass separating us and into my soul and knows i'm an amazing person even though all i'm doing is staring at him with a drop of drool run down my chin... either i'm really cute catatonic, or he'll just be super duper psychic), then he'll call kirsten dunst up on his cell phone and dump her, propose to me, and we'll loudly celebrate our love in the back balcony to the annoyance of all the movie goers (but jake will smooth everyone's tempers by demonstrating his amazing multitasking skills and lack of personal embarrassment by signing autographs while we're umm... celebrating... )

ok. so maybe i've thought too much about that one.

in less self-incriminating news... today in best buy i bought nellie mckay's album get away from me and i got to say it's amazing. when i briefly read about her album in some magazine i was thumbing through, i thought it was a joke. but when i saw it in the store and the sticker quoted two different reviews of nellie: "draws comparisons to two of pop culture's polar opposites, Doris Day and Eminem" - w magazine and "a whiz-kid teenage songwriter, plays piano and riffles through styles from Tin Pan Alley to hip-hop" - new york times and i saw the parental advisory sticker next to a picture of a blonde girl with her arms thrown up and a big smile with 'get away from me' printed above the picture, i knew i had to have it. it's like showtunes on crack with scary white girl rapping thrown into the mix. i think this chick might be crazy and i love her all the more for it. it's the kind of thing i think you'd really like kevin (though you have the maddening habit of always hearing about the things i'm excited about before i do so i'm assuming you already have this album and have seen her in concert twice... you jerk.)

haha.

damn do i know my 80s song lyrics. i got a score of 80. beat that punks!

...due to the graphic nature of this posting, viewer discretion is advised...

haha.


...i just ate dinner like a 16 year old boy has sex for the first time...

me: spent the day sitting in traffic on the mass pike, came back to campus just in time to start working mather front desk from 5pm til 11pm. starving.

boy: spent the last 16 yrs sticking the pages together of his daddy's playboys. also starving.

me: finally gets a break to get food. still starving.

boy: finally meets a girl drunk enough to sleep with him. also still starving.

me: *thinks* must. eat. everything. in. sight.

boy: *thinks* oh. my. god. it's. boobies.

me: *opens fridge, grabbing everything within grasp*

boy: *pulls up girl's shirt, grabbing everything within grasp*

me: *non-discriminatingly shoving food in my mouth*

boy: *non-discriminatingly shoving himself in drunk girl*

me: *chew, chew, gulp, chew, swallow*

boy: *thump, thump, bang, shudder, collapse*

...end result?

my stomach = sore, ate too much to be satisfied.

the girl = sore, fucked too quickly to be satisfied.

...end scene...

today's pros/cons:

pro: actually managed to get up in time for work
con: with a not so fun hangover from the night before (yes, i know it's only wednesday)
pro: got paid for 4 hours worth of work when i trained for 15 minutes to learn how to work mather front desk
con: i have to work 7am to 3pm at the front desk on saturday (stop by and bring me coffee!!)
pro: got to sit around talking to karen and sebastian at 'work'
con: no con beats hanging out in the cool mather basement with friends and getting paid for it
pro: erin's coming tonight!
pro/con: cleo cleaning party is tonight!
pro: i just updated my user picture. very exciting.
con: it's really damn hot outside
pro: i'm going to cope by taking a nap! : D

talked more to this random canadian guy i 'met' while screwing around on patty's computer the other day. sadly, i was too tired to stay online long enough to have a really crazy convo with this guy. though it's still mildly amusing.

SexyEyePatchBoy: ahoy friendly man!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: HI
SexyEyePatchBoy: HOW ARRR YOU?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: pretty good, yourself
SexyEyePatchBoy: grrrrrrreat like tony the tiger
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: haha fantastic
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: wait i have some pictures for you
SexyEyePatchBoy: ohhh intriguing
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: http://paintedover.com/uploads/2/jakeassgas.jpg)http://paintedover.com/uploads/2/jakeassgas.jpg
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and then this one
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: http://paintedover.com/uploads/2/jakeass001.jpg)http://paintedover.com/uploads/2/jakeass001.jpg
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: brb
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hi im back
SexyEyePatchBoy: you know, i didnt know gasoline was good for horses
SexyEyePatchBoy: learn new things every day
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: the more you know!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: whats up
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: have you ever had a dream about someone of the opposite sex, and despite never really feeling anything for this person, after having a dream about them, suddenly you cant stop thinking about that person?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i fucking hate that
SexyEyePatchBoy: yeah actually i've definitely had that happen
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i sort of just had something like that
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but a little different
SexyEyePatchBoy: because then you start thinking that maybe it's your subconscious telling you something
SexyEyePatchBoy: about someone you know?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im pretty much over my ex, but i just had some stuPid dream about her and suddenly im all thinking about her again
SexyEyePatchBoy: or a random farm animal?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: kind of
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: the latter
SexyEyePatchBoy: you know what rocks?
SexyEyePatchBoy: the movie babe
SexyEyePatchBoy: i love talking animals
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: YA
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: correct
SexyEyePatchBoy: what was your talking animal ex girlfriend's name?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: alison
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: she spelled it with one l, fucking weirdo
SexyEyePatchBoy: you should have known right away to stay away from a psycho like that
SexyEyePatchBoy: one l has crazy written all over it
SexyEyePatchBoy: more like al over it
SexyEyePatchBoy: see? one l is no good!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i know
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you type al instead of all
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and im all confused
SexyEyePatchBoy: al confused
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh dear by brain!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: my
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so hows life what do you do
SexyEyePatchBoy: see it's started infultrating your thought process already
SexyEyePatchBoy: life is grand. tonight sucked. what do you mean what do i do?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you're in the same college as patty?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: why did tonight suck?
SexyEyePatchBoy: except i'm in the special pirate studies department
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: are you a swashbuckler?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: or have you been promoted
SexyEyePatchBoy: because i had to move all my stuff that i stored in my frat's attic down 3 flights of stairs to put in my car and all my guy friends watched me do it and didnt even offer to help. pissed me off.
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: haha
SexyEyePatchBoy: i'm the fucking surgeon general of pirating
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i would have done the same
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: fuck helping others out
SexyEyePatchBoy: yeah well now i learned my lesson
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you're probably not attractive enough to help out
SexyEyePatchBoy: fuck if i ever help anyone ever again
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: IM KIDDING :-)())((
SexyEyePatchBoy: probably
SexyEyePatchBoy: the hump doesnt help me much with the men
SexyEyePatchBoy: or that hairy mole on my nose
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
SexyEyePatchBoy: that's why i do my dating online
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: for sure!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: do you like pornography
SexyEyePatchBoy: for sure!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: not many females do
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i usually get slapped when i ask
SexyEyePatchBoy: i'm not really close enough to slap you
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: thats a shame
SexyEyePatchBoy: i know, that's why i dont bother, you'd like it too much
SexyEyePatchBoy: sad to say, but it's bedtime for this pirate
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: night night!
SexyEyePatchBoy: g'night

so i was hanging out in *the penthouse* tonight when i decided to hop on patty's computer and have an over 2 hour conversation with some random ex boyfriend of hers from high school... i think i'm funny and clearly, that's all that matters. read at your own risk...

HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hey sexy
x pj rockstar x: hi friendly man
x pj rockstar x: whoops, i mean hello friendly man
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
x pj rockstar x: yes, lol.
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: whats up
x pj rockstar x: you know. the usual.
x pj rockstar x: what's up wit chu?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: wit chu?
x pj rockstar x: what, i'm from the streets. it's legit.
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: this isn't patty is it?
x pj rockstar x: does this feel like patty to you?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: not really, but maybe shes just intoxicated or something
x pj rockstar x: i feel like her typing skills would be deminished if she were intoxicated.
x pj rockstar x: i mean.. err... my typing skills...
x pj rockstar x: sorry, i have issues with slipping into the third person
x pj rockstar x: it's my napoleon complex
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yes!
x pj rockstar x: they gave me a cream for it, but it's not quite kicking in yet
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yes!
x pj rockstar x: you're one yes! short of an orgasm here.
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hello
x pj rockstar x: you should calm down a bit, we've only been talking for a minute
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i don't know
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: usually when im with the girl, i get at least 5 of them
x pj rockstar x: 5 minutes?
x pj rockstar x: sadly unimpressed here
x pj rockstar x: :'(
x pj rockstar x: single tear
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i see
x pj rockstar x: i see as well
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but seriously, who is this?
x pj rockstar x: who is this?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: patty isn't usually a douche bag to me
x pj rockstar x: are you really as friendly as your name implies?
x pj rockstar x: are you even a man?
x pj rockstar x: oh, ouch. no need to drag the feminine hygiene products into it.
x pj rockstar x: douches have never done anything to you
x pj rockstar x: assuming you're a man of course
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hello
x pj rockstar x: hello
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: what's up
x pj rockstar x: are we starting this coversation over. nice.
x pj rockstar x: eh, hanging out in patty's room. amusing myself by talking to strangers.
x pj rockstar x: how about you?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: same
x pj rockstar x: you're in patty's room too? i don't see you. that's a pretty cool trick.
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: behind you
x pj rockstar x: ahh i see.
x pj rockstar x: nice butt.
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im doing that thing, where, no matter where you turn, im out of your line of sight
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: I fucking hate when people do that
x pj rockstar x: oh sneaky sneaky
x pj rockstar x: so you are what you hate
x pj rockstar x: that's very telling
x pj rockstar x: you talk to a therapist about that?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: fucking shit
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lets try again
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hello
x pj rockstar x: oh hey!
x pj rockstar x: how's it going?
x pj rockstar x: long time no speak!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: fancy meeting you here!
x pj rockstar x: it's great to hear from you!!!!!!
x pj rockstar x: how's it going?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: long time no see
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh pretty good, my wife and i just put a new down payment on a single bedroom condo
x pj rockstar x: seriously! wow, this is awesome. i never thought i'd hear from you again
x pj rockstar x: not after that hot week in hawaii
x pj rockstar x: we agreed to never speak again
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: never mention that
x pj rockstar x: i'm sorry, it was just so...
x pj rockstar x: so...
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: first of all
x pj rockstar x: ...
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: it wasn't a real goat
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: just a person in a goat COSTUME
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: people always seem to mix that up
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and i always have to set the story straight
x pj rockstar x: oh, wow. well that changes everything
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i mean, sure sure its still a weird story
x pj rockstar x: i thought what we had was special
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but a lot LESS weird, YOU know?
x pj rockstar x: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???????
x pj rockstar x: >:o
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hello
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hey is that you, over there
x pj rockstar x: oh, it's you.
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i think i recognize you
x pj rockstar x: wow, this is a bit awkward
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: did you go to south high public school?
x pj rockstar x: i thought you wouldnt after the sex change opperation
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: HOLY SHIT KELLY?
x pj rockstar x: Kelvin now
x pj rockstar x: please call me kevin
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: fuck
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i recognized the eyes
x pj rockstar x: oh you wanna fuck?
x pj rockstar x: you are pretty cute
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: it depends
x pj rockstar x: you know i used to have a crush on you, back when i was a girl
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: well yes i am
x pj rockstar x: but i'm fully equipped now
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh, no way
x pj rockstar x: and i heard you like that sorta think
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i have the BIGGEST crush on you too
x pj rockstar x: good thing i'm a man now
x pj rockstar x: i was so sad you were gay
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: the crush is only enhanced
x pj rockstar x: sweet
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: by seeing your manly physique
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and the bulge in your trousers
x pj rockstar x: here, let me grab my pump
x pj rockstar x: it needs inflating
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ohhhh can i pump it up
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: plese!
x pj rockstar x: oh and i have a goat out back
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: fuck
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: stop bringing that up
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i was drinking heavily
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: I WILL KILL YOU
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: I AM SO ENGRAGED
x pj rockstar x: ahh such a turn on
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: sorry..sorry
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im calm
x pj rockstar x: no no, dont be sorry
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: calm calm :-))
x pj rockstar x: no i like it rough
x pj rockstar x: get anger
x pj rockstar x: MEEHHHHHHHHH
x pj rockstar x: sorry that was the goat
x pj rockstar x: it's getting excited
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ....
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hold on one second
x pj rockstar x: you better not use the goat all for yourself
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hahahaha holy shit
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: what is this
x pj rockstar x: i want a turn
x pj rockstar x: i got the ky right here
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hello
x pj rockstar x: oh, hey. don't i know you from somewhere
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: we were fucking that goat last thursday
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you know
x pj rockstar x: ummm...
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: at the goat fucking party
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: that samuelle held
x pj rockstar x: actually, maybe i dont know you
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you got goat semen all over your eye
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: REMEMBER!?>
x pj rockstar x: oh yeah, that does explain the eyepatch doesn't it
x pj rockstar x: i forgot how i got that
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: IA M USING THE INTERNET HAAW AWHAHWAWH
x pj rockstar x: oh timmy? is that you?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: HOW FANTASTICALLY BRILLIANT
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i love you
x pj rockstar x: you know your mommy told you not to use the internet after 7pm
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lets date
x pj rockstar x: but you're 7
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im pretty big for a 7 year old
x pj rockstar x: give it to me in inches
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i only know metric
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im canadian
x pj rockstar x: ah, i used to live in ireland. i'm down with the metric system
x pj rockstar x: ahhh i love canada
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: 104 mm
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: really?
x pj rockstar x: i'm part french canadian
x pj rockstar x: parlez vous francais?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh reALllly
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oui!
x pj rockstar x: c'est magnifique
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oui!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: sadly that's all that 10 years of mandatory french classes taught me
x pj rockstar x: c'est dommage!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: :-(
x pj rockstar x: :'(
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: actually i can KInd of read it
x pj rockstar x: it's okay, you're canadain
x pj rockstar x: *canadian
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya, im only 20
x pj rockstar x: ah so very young
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yes LOOK AT ALL THE ALCOHOL I HAVE
x pj rockstar x: what month?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: january
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im a year younger than patty
x pj rockstar x: capricorn?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: july 29th am i right!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: aquarius
x pj rockstar x: no
x pj rockstar x: leo
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: no
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im aquarius
x pj rockstar x: no july 29 is leo
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i know!
x pj rockstar x: january 24 is aquarius
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: this is correct
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so where have you been in canada?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ever been to windsor
x pj rockstar x: well as long as all our ducks are in a row
x pj rockstar x: yes
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: WAnt to come here
x pj rockstar x: nice gambling
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i haVNT had sex in quite some time
x pj rockstar x: you into boys?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: sincebreaking up with my girlfriend
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yes
x pj rockstar x: young boys?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: no
x pj rockstar x: well that's good
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: actually im not into boys
x pj rockstar x: i'm 45
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i was under the assumtion that you were female
x pj rockstar x: it's ok i'm a man
x pj rockstar x: not a boy
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so you've been here?
x pj rockstar x: haha
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: we have somenice strip clubs
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: fully nude
x pj rockstar x: men or women?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: both
x pj rockstar x: interesting
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you ever been to downtown windsor? it can get quite crazy
x pj rockstar x: not really
x pj rockstar x: i havent spent much time in canada
x pj rockstar x: only once for lunch actually
x pj rockstar x: i have family in michigan
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ah
x pj rockstar x: we drove up once
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: its a nice place
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: no complaints
x pj rockstar x: but i do love canada
x pj rockstar x: where are you from?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: techumseh
x pj rockstar x: that's a native american word
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: did i even spell that right
x pj rockstar x: i feel like you should know how to spell the town you live in
x pj rockstar x: then again, you are canadian
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: its just a town about 10 minutes from here
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: its tecumseh
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i was close
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: michigan is pretty nice, except detroit
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: detroit isnt very nice at all
x pj rockstar x: i didnt ask you what the name of the town next to you was, i asked you where you're from
x pj rockstar x: yeah i have family in grosse point
x pj rockstar x: *pointe
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im from tecumseh canada
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: which is about 10 minutes from here
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: being windsor
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: now i live in windsor
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you were born in quebec?
x pj rockstar x: what makes you think that?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you said you were french canadian, i just assume quebec
x pj rockstar x: i said i was part french canadian
x pj rockstar x: my dad's from maine
x pj rockstar x: i was born in florida
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i see
x pj rockstar x: very much not canada
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i went to florida once
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: it was nice, but it seems as if the novalty can wear off pretty quick
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: novelty also
x pj rockstar x: yes, but the novalty especially
x pj rockstar x: that's why i fled
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i was in st petersburgh
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: right on the gulf
x pj rockstar x: very exciting
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
x pj rockstar x: it's about as exciting as much lunch in canada story
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lots of old people
x pj rockstar x: yes, i love old people
x pj rockstar x: they're great to hug
x pj rockstar x: they're bones are all squishy and they make fun squeaking noises when you let the air out of them
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: very true
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so who is this really
x pj rockstar x: well, the way i see it, you don't know me
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: no i mean
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: what's your story
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: my name is jason
x pj rockstar x: clearly i'm either one of patty's friends or the random dude who broke into her apartment and decided to steal her computer
x pj rockstar x: so my name wouldnt really matter either way
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: sassy
x pj rockstar x: snap snap
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so... mike
x pj rockstar x: haha
x pj rockstar x: not quite
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: kelly
x pj rockstar x: warmer
x pj rockstar x: but not close at all
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: alright
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: well as long as you're female
x pj rockstar x: so you're sexist i see
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: HI
x pj rockstar x: HELLO FRIENDLY MAN
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so whats going on with you
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: do you go to school with miss allen
x pj rockstar x: peut-etre
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you're being quite shy with me
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im not going to hunt you down and murder you
x pj rockstar x: bashful really
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: )
x pj rockstar x: which one of the 7 dwarves are you?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: sleepy
x pj rockstar x: i'm snuggly
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i thought you were bashful
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and who the fuck is snuggly
x pj rockstar x: clearly not you
x pj rockstar x: mr bony
x pj rockstar x: all 4 inches of you
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: :-(
x pj rockstar x: ah don't give me that
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: :'(
x pj rockstar x: you're sleepy not mopey
x pj rockstar x: or cry baby
x pj rockstar x: that's a good movie by the by
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ah
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i have never seen it!
x pj rockstar x: ah john waters... brilliant
x pj rockstar x: seen hairspray?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: no
x pj rockstar x: well you really are uncultured aren't you
x pj rockstar x: but it's ok, you're canadian
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: canadians are a-ok
x pj rockstar x: and b-ok
x pj rockstar x: and even c-ok
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: NO
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lets not go that far now..
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so do you ...like things?
x pj rockstar x: oh yeah!
x pj rockstar x: things are awesome!!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: no way
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im totally into things too
x pj rockstar x: wow, we're like totally soul mates
x pj rockstar x: so...
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: maybe we should hook up and do...stuff
x pj rockstar x: have any naked pictures of yourself?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: patty does
x pj rockstar x: ahh we're thinking a like
x pj rockstar x: oh, she just went in the other room to get them
x pj rockstar x: wait...
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i doubt she still has them
x pj rockstar x: she's just pulled out a shoebox from under her bed
x pj rockstar x: oh wow
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: not real pictures
x pj rockstar x: hahaha
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: comPUter type pictures!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: over the interatnet
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol you think im kidding!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: years ago
x pj rockstar x: yeah they're printed out on a big piece of paper
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: she doesnt have them
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: it must be a HUGE piece
x pj rockstar x: then explain what i'm holding in my hand right now
x pj rockstar x: it looks a little photoshopped but important bits are still there
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
x pj rockstar x: and i mean bits
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i have no problems with showing people my penis!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: one second!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: naw, only patty gets that special treatment
x pj rockstar x: oh this better be a picture
x pj rockstar x: oh wow, clearly i was right about the bits
x pj rockstar x: itty bitty bits
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hey id ont care if she has the pictures and shows you, but like i said , years ago. i highly doubt she even has the same computer
x pj rockstar x: eh, hard disks do the trick
x pj rockstar x: how old were you in this picture?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: 18 dont worry
x pj rockstar x: so you've grown up since then i hope?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
x pj rockstar x: a little scrawny here
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hehe
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: patty will attest to my endownment
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: -n
x pj rockstar x: mazeltov
x pj rockstar x: i think she's moved on to bigger and better things
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
x pj rockstar x: literally
x pj rockstar x: though she does vouch for you're own endowment
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im not saying im huge
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but i have it where it coutns
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: counts even
x pj rockstar x: either way
x pj rockstar x: as long as you have it everywhere i'm ok with that
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: have it everywhere?
x pj rockstar x: why not?
x pj rockstar x: you a prude?
x pj rockstar x: eh you're canadian, it's ok.
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: no
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: iM just not sure what you mean
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: by having it everywhere
x pj rockstar x: i'm not sure either
x pj rockstar x: it just sounded good at the time
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ahha!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hey theres this new razor out
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: that vibrates
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im going to use it to shave my balls
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: fuck that will be nice
x pj rockstar x: and mildly dangerous
x pj rockstar x: i'm glad you feel so comfortable sharing this information with a stranger
x pj rockstar x: a 45 yr old man no less
x pj rockstar x: you're a little twisted
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hey
x pj rockstar x: you talk to your therapist about this?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: its the people that DONt shave their nether regions
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: that im worried about
x pj rockstar x: ah you have problems with body hair?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: at least trim
x pj rockstar x: ocd much?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: no, i just think about the ladies 8-)
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im sure theyd rather have a neatly trimmed guy than a fucking yeti
x pj rockstar x: i think you're thinking too hard
x pj rockstar x: ah so you're a yeti
x pj rockstar x: interesting
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: the thing is
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: its just my fucking balls man
x pj rockstar x: most guys i know dont really have that much to wade through
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: they get so bushy its insane
x pj rockstar x: maybe its a canadian thing
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya, cold weather, you know?
x pj rockstar x: it is colder up there
x pj rockstar x: exactly
x pj rockstar x: i've never had that problem with men
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: they probably shave in secret
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: a little trim
x pj rockstar x: eh, you can tell
x pj rockstar x: i've had my experience
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: well
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: from my experience
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: if a chick doesnt even trim that shit, im not going down there
x pj rockstar x: what about true love?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ill do it for her, we can make it an intimate experience
x pj rockstar x: ah yes, rasor burn is the height of intimacy
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ill use that nads shit
x pj rockstar x: yeah, ow
x pj rockstar x: that'll take her skin right off
x pj rockstar x: but at least you can eat the nads
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yum yum
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but honestly, i bet you trim a little
x pj rockstar x: you would bet that wouldnt you
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i sure would!
x pj rockstar x: well you don't really win anything for that bet
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: (
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: :-(
x pj rockstar x: so you and your girlfriend broke up, eh?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yes, dont be harsh to me its a very touchy thing right now
x pj rockstar x: yeah no that really sucks
x pj rockstar x: no joking matter seriously
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya it sucks
x pj rockstar x: i just went through a similar thing recently
x pj rockstar x: and have to see the ex all the time
x pj rockstar x: doing the whole trying to be friends bit
x pj rockstar x: what's your story?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: we were very close
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: like, going out for nearly 3 years
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: it was good
x pj rockstar x: oh wow
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but cOllege started
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and she wanted to be single
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: its not a matter of wanting someone else or anything
x pj rockstar x: yeah that's really hard
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and i truly believe her when she says she just wants to be single
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so its not that bad
x pj rockstar x: i've never seen a relationship work from high school to college
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but i am avoiding her all together
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: it seems the best
x pj rockstar x: yeah i think my ex wants to be with someone else
x pj rockstar x: which sucks
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: well, i dont really care at the moment
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: since right now im doing the "she basically doesnt exist" type thing
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: if i dont see her, she doesnt exist
x pj rockstar x: yeah i did that
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and i have nothing to worry about
x pj rockstar x: i moved to ireland for 4 months
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and its actually working
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: theres another girl im actually into right now
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and i think she knows and she seems into me
x pj rockstar x: well as long as you don't have to see her any time soon it should be ok
x pj rockstar x: well that's good
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but im not rushing things
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im enjoying this a little actually
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: not having to worry about anyone else
x pj rockstar x: well that's good, it's nice to only have to be responsible for yourself
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and keep trying to make all this time for her and shit, its all me
x pj rockstar x: yeah girlfriends can be so high maintenance
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yup yup
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh well
x pj rockstar x: especially if they're insecure
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i think everyone has their insecurities
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but some more than others
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: actually this one girl ive been hanging out with seems to have a lot of them, which kind of sucks
x pj rockstar x: yeah that's never a good sign
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: bahhhh
x pj rockstar x: because even though she may think so, having a boyfriend wont make her feel better about herself
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: love will come to me so im in no rush
x pj rockstar x: very sage for someone who likes talking to strangers about fucking goats
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im an extremely nice guy in real life
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and i just non stop compliment her
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and she seems to ease up
x pj rockstar x: as long as you're sincere
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh iam
x pj rockstar x: and non-sketchy
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i mean, i dont know why some of these girls are like this
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: in my experience, the girls that show the insecurties are usually the ones that really have nothing to worry about
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: its the ones that bottle it inside and hide it from everyone that i worry about
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: those types of females always seem so fake to me
x pj rockstar x: that don't act insecure?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: well
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: theres a lot of girls that act like theyre super hot and stuff
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: meanwhile they arent all that atttractive
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and you just know they're putting on a show
x pj rockstar x: they're usually the most insecure of all
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ill see some girls that dress classy and stuff, and thats the type of girls i like
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but then you get the ones that really shouldnt be wearing halter tops
x pj rockstar x: that's a little shallow there
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and you just know they have way more insecuriTY problems then your average chick
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: despite the way they dress
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hey, ive seen girls with fucking beer bellys walking around with their flab hanging out of their jeans and shjit, like inches of it
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: its kind of disgusting
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i have no problem with overweight girls
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but dont wear that shit that enhances it,
x pj rockstar x: yeah i could see that
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: even if the girl is fit, i really dont like one that wears revealing clothes all the time
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: like i said, i like a classy girl that doesnt need to show their body to be attractive
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: like now and then dressing sexy, hey i dont care
x pj rockstar x: yeah it's nice to see a girl respect herself and not feel like she needs to dress like a slut to get attention
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but you get the girls that wear tank tops in december
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i mean come on
x pj rockstar x: yeah man, it's fucking canada
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i know, fucking igloos and shit
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: polar bears!
x pj rockstar x: you know what?
x pj rockstar x: i've touched a penguin
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i sure dont
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: thats fucking hot
x pj rockstar x: for serious
x pj rockstar x: i know
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: werE you shy?
x pj rockstar x: i have connections with peeps in sea world
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: like
x pj rockstar x: and got a behind the scenes tour
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ohh its my first time touching such a big penguin
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im so nervous
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: did you get to ride shamoo
x pj rockstar x: everything is sexual with you isnt it/
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im not like this in real life
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: its my internet alter ego
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: actualy, its late and im still hung over from last night and im not thinking about what im saying
x pj rockstar x: i dont believe you can ever be anything but yourself
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: )
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: :-)
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im a nice guy really
x pj rockstar x: friendly at least
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ;-)
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: nothing wrong with that
x pj rockstar x: i know this guy who we call friendly john
x pj rockstar x: and it's not a good thing
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: well i doubt im as friendly as friendly john
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im rpetty shy actually
x pj rockstar x: yeah you seem super shy
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hehe
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i am i am
x pj rockstar x: me too
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh really
x pj rockstar x: i'm super shy
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: perhaps we should have sex
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: very quiet awkward sex
x pj rockstar x: wow, that's what i was thinking
x pj rockstar x: no, i'm a screamer in bed
x pj rockstar x: just shy in person
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: fuck thats hot
x pj rockstar x: i'm very good at what i do
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ;-)
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i think im in love
x pj rockstar x: funny, i was thinking the same thing
x pj rockstar x: you know i met my last boyfriend on the internet
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh ya?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and you have family near by, awesome
x pj rockstar x: he was from japan but we made it work
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: fuck, we dont have to go out
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lets just fuck
x pj rockstar x: sounds good to me
x pj rockstar x: i always enjoy being used for sex
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: used?
x pj rockstar x: eh it happens
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i still dont understand that
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: how can you be used for sex
x pj rockstar x: you've never heard that expression
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i mean, if a chick wants to use me for sex
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: she can damn well go ahead
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: because damn, i enjoy sex just as much as the next person
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: its not like im not getting anything in return
x pj rockstar x: very true
x pj rockstar x: ok, so...
x pj rockstar x: when's the sex?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: we should meet in the middle
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: an old motel 6
x pj rockstar x: can we get a bed that vibrates?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hmm
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yes
x pj rockstar x: does motel 6 rent by the hour?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ill bring my vibrating razor too
x pj rockstar x: because i'm feeling it wont take too long
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: haha ouch
x pj rockstar x: ah then we can do that intimate shaving together thing you had planned!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: my fantasy come true!
x pj rockstar x: with all that anticipation, and the long bus ride, i could see our meeting being very .... climatic
x pj rockstar x: do you have leather pants?
x pj rockstar x: or a bull whip?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: neither
x pj rockstar x: crotchless panties?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: nope!
x pj rockstar x: edible?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yes
x pj rockstar x: ok now we're talking
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ;-)
x pj rockstar x: so how does this fantasy night go
x pj rockstar x: ?
x pj rockstar x: we both get off our respective buses in front of the motel 6
x pj rockstar x: rent a room
x pj rockstar x: and then...?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: haha
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: this is getting to close to "cyber sex" for my taste
x pj rockstar x: hahaha i tried to trick you into it, but you're too smart for m
x pj rockstar x: *me
x pj rockstar x: you damn dirty canadian
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hahah
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: sure!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: sicko
x pj rockstar x: i havent had cyber sex since 4th grade
x pj rockstar x: haha
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: its been a while!
x pj rockstar x: it's kinda lame actually
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: once you discover real sex
x pj rockstar x: mmm yes
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: mmmm real sex!
x pj rockstar x: how long's it been for you?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: since real sex?
x pj rockstar x: yes
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: the last time i had real sex was valentines day
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but it was damn good
x pj rockstar x: that's a good time to have it
x pj rockstar x: predictible, but good
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: it was hard to get
x pj rockstar x: expensive?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: because we were in the process of breaking Up
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: that too
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but i convinced her into a night of acting like we were going out again
x pj rockstar x: eh break up sex can either be good or bad
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and she seemed to enjoy it jUSt as much as i did
x pj rockstar x: well that's good
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ive never seen her that wet
x pj rockstar x: usually it ends in people crying after
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: that would be awkward
x pj rockstar x: yeah that falls under the department of overshare
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im looking forward to fucking new girls
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: she was my first
x pj rockstar x: well that's nice
x pj rockstar x: don't get too slutty about it though
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i wont
x pj rockstar x: sex is a precious gift from god
x pj rockstar x: that's why i'm saving myself for marriage
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: bullshit
x pj rockstar x: how would you know?
x pj rockstar x: you don't know me
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hey if you all, more power to you!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i doubt it though
x pj rockstar x: haha
x pj rockstar x: actually, i'm not saving myself for marriage
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: just saving yourself for me
x pj rockstar x: that is a lie
x pj rockstar x: exactly
x pj rockstar x: i always wanted to do it for the first time at a motel 6 with a canadian
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: fantastic
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: it doesnt have to be a motel 6 you know
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i can go classy if you want, holiday inn?
x pj rockstar x: i'm getting a little old to be a virgin, we better set a date here
x pj rockstar x: haha that works too
x pj rockstar x: as long as they have one of those indoor swimming pools
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i love those
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and the sauna!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: we can fuck in the sauna, now thats HOT
x pj rockstar x: literally
x pj rockstar x: but not much lube
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yuk YUK!
x pj rockstar x: not as much fun for a girl
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: really?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i never used lube
x pj rockstar x: yeah really
x pj rockstar x: no, i mean water takes the natural lube away
x pj rockstar x: which makes it not much fun
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ohh
x pj rockstar x: well, not much fun on a relative level, because it's still sex and that's always fun
x pj rockstar x: though i dont really know since i'm a virgin
x pj rockstar x: but i suppose
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: this makes me want to have sex again
x pj rockstar x: you like virgins?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i dont know
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i had my virgin
x pj rockstar x: never had one?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i think ill leavE Them out there for other guys
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya, we were both virgins
x pj rockstar x: i've never had a virgin either, it's ok
x pj rockstar x: that's nice
x pj rockstar x: how old were you?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: 16-17
x pj rockstar x: dont remember
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: well she was 16
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i was 17
x pj rockstar x: ah ok
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: awkward virgin sex
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: id like to have it with a virgin though, now that i have experience
x pj rockstar x: i may be a virgin, but i know what i'm doing
x pj rockstar x: i'm not good with awkward
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: are you really a virgin?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i didnt think many of them existed this day and age
x pj rockstar x: they can happen
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: actually
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: the girl ive been hanging out with is one
x pj rockstar x: though it is amazing that a man of 45 can still be a virgin
x pj rockstar x: the one you like?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but i think she is actually one of those wait untIL marriage girls
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so that would suck for me
x pj rockstar x: damn mormons
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: amish
x pj rockstar x: if you get her drunk enough she might change her mind
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: thats the plan
x pj rockstar x: good man good man
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: :-DF
x pj rockstar x: she really amish?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: naw, lol
x pj rockstar x: that would be cool if she had a horse and shit
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i really dont know if shes waiting until marriage either
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i just heard from her friend she was a virgin
x pj rockstar x: except i hate girls who are into horses
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and shes never had a real relationship
x pj rockstar x: yeah that doesnt necessarily mean much
x pj rockstar x: it's not always easy to have a real relationship in college
x pj rockstar x: most people arent into dating
x pj rockstar x: just hooking up
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
x pj rockstar x: it's kinda too bad
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but i dont care much if theyre a virgin or not
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i got my virgin , a lot of guys never will
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: it really doesnt mean much anyways
x pj rockstar x: i dont think that's something that really matters
x pj rockstar x: exactly
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i mean
x pj rockstar x: it's really just how much you like someone
x pj rockstar x: virgin or not
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: holy shit i stuck my penis into her vagina
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: like its some magical thing that changes a person
x pj rockstar x: yeah but not so much
x pj rockstar x: i mean do you count how many times you've shook a person's hand?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: she didnt really get loose or anything, she felt the same really
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: well from what i can tell
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and we must have fucked 200 times
x pj rockstar x: i mean i do, but that's because i'm ocd
x pj rockstar x: yeah girls dont actually get looser
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: are you really?
x pj rockstar x: no
x pj rockstar x: compulsive liar
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: are you really a VIRgin
x pj rockstar x: yes
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: for serious?
x pj rockstar x: but only a VIRgin
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im soryr
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i can explain the random caps if you wish
x pj rockstar x: you're sorry i'm a virgin?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im using trillian which
x pj rockstar x: i do wish
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: basically combines icq, aol, yahoo messenger etc
x pj rockstar x: ah ok
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: all in one neat program, and theres some option
x pj rockstar x: and has issues with caps
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: which blinks the lights on your keyboard when you get a message
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: which in turn will turn my caps lock on for a split second, then off
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: along with my num lock etc
x pj rockstar x: haha
x pj rockstar x: nice
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: whenever you meSsage me
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i guess i could turn it off
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but im lazy
x pj rockstar x: eh lazy is good
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so you're seriously seriously a virgin?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: man, theres a lot of virgins
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i know like 4 girls that are virgins
x pj rockstar x: but i'm a 45 yr old man
x pj rockstar x: wow we should start a virgin club
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: thats sad :-(
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: but i cant join
x pj rockstar x: make tshirts with cherries on them and shit
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and then you all lose your virginity to me
x pj rockstar x: but we better not spread it around too much, or we'll be used when people do sacrifices
x pj rockstar x: yeah totally
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ill take your virginity baby
x pj rockstar x: i always wanted to lose it to a stranger i met on the internet who called me baby
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hey, why not
x pj rockstar x: you've got some smooth moves there
x pj rockstar x: how can i resist?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: im a nice guy, really
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you'll like me
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: especially when im between your legs thrusting
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: bam!
x pj rockstar x: the fact that you've repeated that to me at least 5 times now makes me not so sure
x pj rockstar x: but the thrusting part works for me
x pj rockstar x: though the bam is a total turn off
x pj rockstar x: i'm not into that emeril shit
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i randomly sprinkle chives on you
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hahaha
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: wait i did that wrong
x pj rockstar x: oh ok, now that's hot
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: *randomly sprinkles chives on you*
x pj rockstar x: ah even better
x pj rockstar x: feels good
x pj rockstar x: now what?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i do not now
x pj rockstar x: ok you're killing the mood here
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: uhuh still thrusting?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: a little faster?
x pj rockstar x: you got me all ready with the chives and now you can deliver the goods?
x pj rockstar x: i dont like the hesitation in your voice
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: *reaches for the sour cream*
x pj rockstar x: ah i always loved the baked potato game
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
x pj rockstar x: where are you putting the sour cream jason?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh, everywhere
x pj rockstar x: eh... i'm lactose intolerant
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh boy, it sure is getting hot in this room *cue porn music*
x pj rockstar x: not as hot is it soon will be getting *pulls out the hot peppers!*
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ohh boy
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: where do those go!
x pj rockstar x: in your...
x pj rockstar x: belly button!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ooooo
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: kinky baby
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: *continues thrusting like a champ*
x pj rockstar x: how about like a chimp?
x pj rockstar x: that could be hot too
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ooo
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i like the way you think
x pj rockstar x: can you make chimp noises for me?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lets not get too far
x pj rockstar x: oh come on
x pj rockstar x: let me hear you
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hahahaha
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i feel like im being set up
x pj rockstar x: so you don't draw the line at chives or sour cream or peppers being shoved in your belly button, but the second it turns to chimps you turn soft
x pj rockstar x: i'm so disappointed
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: haha
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so when are we going to fuck
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: woman
x pj rockstar x: well since you've gone all soft i dont see how that's going to happen
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh im not soft
x pj rockstar x: are you telling me you're hard?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: all this talk of chimps
x pj rockstar x: because that's a little gross. i thought you were anti cybering and here you go getting all freaky with the baked potatoes
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and sour cream, oh my!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: fine i guess it is gross!
x pj rockstar x: haha
x pj rockstar x: well if you really were turned on by all that i would be a little concerned
x pj rockstar x: another thing to bring up to your therapist
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i wasnt turned on by the baked potatoes and monkies
x pj rockstar x: but the me part was really hot
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: perhaps
x pj rockstar x: i only get a perhaps
x pj rockstar x: that's sad
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: sorry i feel embarassed
x pj rockstar x: about what?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: nothing
x pj rockstar x: this whole conversation?
x pj rockstar x: or losing the fake erection?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hahahah
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: gaining the real erection
x pj rockstar x: haha great
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
x pj rockstar x: eh whatever, it's been awhile for you
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya :-(
x pj rockstar x: it's okay
x pj rockstar x: it's been 45 years for me
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lol
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh boy
x pj rockstar x: oh boy is right
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: :P
x pj rockstar x: yeah i dont think i could actually last 45 yrs with out sex
x pj rockstar x: i think i'd just trip one day and fall into it
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hahaha
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i dont know
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i bet theres some old virgins out there
x pj rockstar x: yeah nuns and shit
x pj rockstar x: i feel like if you're going to be a virgin for that long you have to do it on purpose
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
x pj rockstar x: i think accidental virginity is a scientific improbibility
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: me too oh my!
x pj rockstar x: wow we should start a science club
x pj rockstar x: make a poster and enter a science fair
x pj rockstar x: i bet we'd have all those 12yr olds beat
x pj rockstar x: !
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: with their experiments on mold and shit
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: noone cares about that!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: the population wants sex
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: SEX SEX SEX
x pj rockstar x: so true!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: we can do experiments on each other
x pj rockstar x: like playing doctor!
x pj rockstar x: i love doctor
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ya
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ill play doctor with you
x pj rockstar x: you got the right tools?
x pj rockstar x: *opens door for dirty joke*
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ....
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: no
x pj rockstar x: oh too bad, i set you up for that one
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: :-(
x pj rockstar x: that's ok
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i haVE failed
x pj rockstar x: you have, but i forgive you
x pj rockstar x: if jesus can forgive, then i can too
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: :-)
x pj rockstar x: you into jesus?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: no!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so are we doing this doctor shit or what
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: bend over
x pj rockstar x: but i thought you didnt have any tools?
x pj rockstar x: what are you going to examine me with doctor?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: everyone has rubber gloves
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: BAWHAHAHA
x pj rockstar x: ahh i dont have a prostate gland, nothing to check back there
x pj rockstar x: so maniacle, are you an evil doctor?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you better believe it baby
x pj rockstar x: oh i want to be a naughty nurse!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ohh hot
x pj rockstar x: lets have a private meeting in your office to go over the files
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yes nurse
x pj rockstar x: they need to be slid into the drawer
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: one second im laughing
x pj rockstar x: haha
x pj rockstar x: i'm here to please
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ;-)
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: more ways than one
x pj rockstar x: well, clearly
x pj rockstar x: now bend over
x pj rockstar x: i have rubber gloves too
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: well, if you insist!
x pj rockstar x: feeling... feeling...
x pj rockstar x: uh oh
x pj rockstar x: i have some tough news
x pj rockstar x: i've found a lump
x pj rockstar x: i think it might be cancer
x pj rockstar x: but we'll have to do a biopsy first
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh my !
x pj rockstar x: luckily, have my trusty swiss army knife right here
x pj rockstar x: just bite on this leather strap and i'll have that bugger out in a jiffy!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: uh i dont think thats the best idea nurse..
x pj rockstar x: shut up and stay still!
x pj rockstar x: this wont hurt more than a sharp seering pain in your rectum
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yes Maam
x pj rockstar x: and profuse bleeding
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: ohh
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: nothing like anal bleeding
x pj rockstar x: my anus is bleeding!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hahahaha
x pj rockstar x: you a rejected fan too?
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: yup
x pj rockstar x: never an inappropriate time to scream 'my anus is bleeding'
x pj rockstar x: but lets get on with the fantasy...
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: haha
x pj rockstar x: and now angry ticks will fire from my nipples!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: LOL
x pj rockstar x: i am a banana!
x pj rockstar x: yay!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: soRRY if im not talking, im quite sleepy
x pj rockstar x: what? lol and haha dont' count as talking
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i know
x pj rockstar x: i've had whole conversations using only those words and an elaborate system of smileys
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: hahahaha
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: i believe it!
x pj rockstar x: lol
x pj rockstar x: :-D
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: :-)
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: :-{}
x pj rockstar x: ;-)
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so i lick your vagina
x pj rockstar x: =-O
x pj rockstar x: that's my o-face
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: haha
x pj rockstar x: though it would take more than one lick to get there, but as long as we're fantasizing
x pj rockstar x: haha
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: lick lick!
x pj rockstar x: honey, at this rate, we'd be here all night
x pj rockstar x: just give up the ghost
x pj rockstar x: speaking of giving up the ghost... i'm getting sleepy
x pj rockstar x: i think i might turn in for bed
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh drat!
x pj rockstar x: well you've gotten me so worked up all night, now i'm spent
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh ims orry!
x pj rockstar x: it's ok, it's been a more interesting night that i anticipated
x pj rockstar x: thanks for keeping a bored girl amused
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: well, i dont know who you are!
x pj rockstar x: tragic, i know
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: and ill probably never talk to you again! bye!
x pj rockstar x: probably not
x pj rockstar x: but we'll always have the memories
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: get the fuck out of here
x pj rockstar x: i think i love you
x pj rockstar x: but if that's how you feel...
x pj rockstar x: adeu, parting is such sweet sorrow
x pj rockstar x: sweet and sticky
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: you have not left yet
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: this dissapoints me
x pj rockstar x: alright, have it your way
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: so wheres patty anyways
x pj rockstar x: in her room
x pj rockstar x: i'm putting up an away message for her now
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: oh ok
x pj rockstar x: night!
HELLOFRIENDLYMAN: night night!

what makes it funnier is that my grandpa emailed me this one...


The Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and
very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and
desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she died, she went to
the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to
make the proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the
undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the
funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the
lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had
selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen. He thought
long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request,
considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal
worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it
read as follows: "RETURNED UNOPENED"

i'm amused. this email also reminds me of the time i was in barnes and nobles looking for a mother's day present for my mom and stumbled upon a young adults book called 'The V Club' that was all about this super cool club that girls were in. They were all super acheivers and leaders at their school thanks to the fact that they had all stayed virgins. i was all about the virgin propaganda, but the book was in hard cover (aka too expensive) and my brother would have hit me really hard if i tried to buy it in his presence. maybe one day... hahah.

Go Virgins!

haha.

ps. happy 22nd birthday kevin! ; )